so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
