The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
