There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
