you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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