Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
