i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
