SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize