I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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