I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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