ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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