Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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