Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
