Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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