i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize