Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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