He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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