New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I intend to get homeless drunk
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Your penis caused this!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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