he puts the penis in happiness.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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