even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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