you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
