The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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