I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
im on a boat
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