Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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