New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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