The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
