she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize