Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
