I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
