I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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