I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
