My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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