Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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