Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
