apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Dick very happy bro
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
