i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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