This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
