I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
