She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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