I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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