At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
