I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize