good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
