then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
