my mouth tastes like poor choices
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize