i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
