Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
this will be a night to untag.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
