Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
