i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
