I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
