I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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