haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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