I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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