Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
