just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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