I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
