Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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