My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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