Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My ass is underappreciated
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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