so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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