I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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