your thong is hanging out like whoa
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
