Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Randomize
