I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He shit in the fireplace
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
