I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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