to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
