Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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