Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
