i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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