Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
