I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
