96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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