she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
